Saying No (aka) I am a horrible human being
You know, I see a lot of advice on social media about saying NO to people when they ask us to do something that would mean more money outside of our budget....
So far, I've found that this is really really hard to say No every time this happens. Every time, people either get annoyed or angry. They seem to think that I am childish (or stupid, maybe?) for saying that I can't go out to lunch, dinner, drive down to see people, etc, because I just don't have the money, unless I use my credit cards.
Yesterday, at my new job, my boss actually said "cut the ****..just cut the ****" (he means to say Shit but since we are at work, he just left that part out and filled the gap with hand motions.) This was when I had told him we are not eating out lunch as much as we could help it when he asked me if I was going to lunch with them that day. He, then, said that me and koa, combined, make too much money to be on "rice and beans" and so, I should just stop lying about being on a budget.
Another recent experience:
My parents asked me to drive down to LA to see them since they have just come back from an international trip. I really do want to go see my mom but I just don't have any gas money left over for a trip to LA and back. I would need to wait a week or two before we drive down so that I can set aside some money for the trip's expenses (mainly, gas). I really don't want to upset them so I am dreading the phone call I need to make to let them know that it won't be this weekend.
From my experience, the situation gets worse, the more I explain WHY I can't do a certain thing. People seem to think that the fact that I am explaining my reasons why is an invitation for a dispute; an invitation to change my mind.
And...I wish I could say that I have been a perfect human being and been dodging these situations......but..... it's sad to say that I have a horribly weak will and would cave in a lot of the times. I end up saying "oh, all right..." ....or WORSE.... I wouldn't even realize that I was in a situation where I would need to consider my budget and would commit to whatever that's asked of me. I am finding out that it really is tricky sometimes to remember that certain things that people want me to do will take more money that I have budgeted for. Sounds stupid... I know...
1) Say No. Just say it confidently. Do not provide any explanations.
2) Take the time to understand the situation and prioritize each occurrence. Create a budget category as a buffer category.
3) Be a Ninja.
The third solution fits me best but I think I might just have to do a combination of both #1 and #2. This is easier than said for me. It comes naturally to a lot of people, i understand. It just doesn't come naturally for me. But if I ever want to see the light at the end of the tunnel or avoid going deeper into the tunnel, I must say NO and make a buffer category. I think as my first step, I will practice on saying NO with no explanations attached before I start making a buffer category.
This is going to be a long 2020.